𝐓𝐄𝐒𝐓 𝐃𝐑𝐈𝐕𝐄 𝐌𝐄𝐌𝐄 𝐑𝐄𝐃𝐔𝐗

[fenstaff]

I. A-A-AY, I'M ON VACATION
if you don't like your life, then you should go and change it ♫♪

Welcome to Hotel Fen!

All guests are given the current week’s list of special activities by the cheerful blonde receptionist upon check in. There’s also a small stack of them on the reception desk should you lose yours, or if you would like a second copy.

Your itinerary reads:

MONDAY — TOO ZEN TO GIVE A DAMN
The two conference rooms in the third floor have been transformed to accommodate several massage chairs with masseuses. The two seminar rooms have also been cleaned up, and all the chairs have been settled on one side to make room for several yoga mats, spread out and waiting for people to use them. The instructors are two pretty blondes, tall and lithe like supermodels, and they're in one of those impressive acrobatic poses when you enter.

TUESDAY — HIKE MORE, WORRY LESS
There are several beautiful trails around the hotel for people to hike and explore. Some are marked as longer than others, but there are plenty of guides around with maps to hand you or actually accompany you on the hikes. They’re also happy to suggest which trail is best for you based on your level of experience.

WEDNESDAY — I WAS MERMAID FOR THIS
The pool area on the first floor is bustling with activity today. There are extra towels for everyone, there’s music pumping through the speakers, and there are a few tables set up with snacks. And while pools aren’t just for kids, there are some juice boxes and animal crackers for those who are so inclined.

THURSDAY — INTO THE UNKNOWN (BUT SAFELY)
Nestled in the small hill behind the hotel is a cave that you can rent equipment to explore. The tour guides will assure you that there’s no real way to get lost in the caves; all the paths are marked and will lead you toward the exit. So why not explore? You never know how deep they go or what you’ll find in them.

FRIDAY — A BALANCED DIET IS CHOCOLATE IN BOTH HANDS
The restaurant is holding special demonstrations throughout the day, and after the demonstration there are free samples to help yourselves to. Ever wondered how to make truffles? The dessert chef will be more than happy to take you through the experience.

II. I CAN TOUCH THE COLORS AROUND ME
this beautiful life, i think it'd be nice with you ♫♪

Noticed the hotel's theme yet? One Saturday night it's going to be shoved into your face in full force, because it's time for the summer blót, a feast for the Norse god of war, Odin. There's going to a bonfire and face paint and singing and dancing, and of course, free-flowing booze and lots of good food. You can come in costume too, if you want to bring out the Viking in you!

III. ARE YOU, ARE YOU, COMING TO THE TREE?
stranger things have happened here ♫♪

It's a great morning to go hiking! Or night, if that's your thing. And everything's just peachy... until you try to leave the perimeter of the hotel compound, because then you'll inexplicably find yourself on the trail leading right back to the entrance.

The phenomenon is usually accompanied by the sighting of an old, blackened tree — but once you turn and walk away from it, it disappears. The tree also never seems to be quite in the same place. What gives?

IV. THE HAPPIEST SOUND OF THEM ALL (NETWORK)
ring ring, why don't you give me a call? ♫♪

There is no cell reception in the vicinity of the hotel. At all. No matter what you do or try, nada. And while each of the rooms have vintage telephones, they can only call other rooms, the front desk and the restaurant.

The business center next to the gym on the first floor has several computers for guests to use. They seem like they're connecting to the internet well enough, if not just a little slow, but you will never actually receive emails from anyone from the outside world other than emails designed to look like spam. Hmm, did your emails out actually reach their destination?

Don't worry, though, you're supposed to be on vacation! So why not chat up your new friends instead, or leave them messages at the front desk?

V. I'M COUNTIN' ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR... (BONUS)
this is my longest elevator ride ♫♪

Okay, we're just really here to plug the song, which was composed for our book's soundtrack. ☝️

But yes, you're stuck in the hotel's vintage elevator. Good luck!

Comments

[ronstadt]

Maybe. ... What's with that tone, though, man? You know it's usually right on the money.

[Ronstadt quirks an eyebrow. Shit. Maybe something happened here that made John hit his limit the way that - he doesn't even want to finish the thought. It's already turning his insides to ice. Ronstadt's voice drops to a whisper.]

John... do you ... remember me?

[hellblaze]

[ John turns his gaze back to the other bloke. Ah, so, either reputation has gotten him somewhere... or there's something a bit more personal going. There's a sigh before he rolls up the sleeve on his coat. Given he's already gone about and met his counterpart? Should be fairly easy to discern what is going on.

He holds up his hand to show a rather lovely scar going down the back of his hand. ]

Don't suppose you've seen me with this, eh? [ A shrug. ] Unless you've heard of a place called Mathias, mate. Doubt you're thinking of the right me.

[ronstadt]

[It takes him a second, but the scales fall from Ronstadt's eyes, and instead of just seeing what he'd been hoping for, he really sees this other John. The scar, the strange place name, the scarf, the ... there's just something off and different about him. Even if it's still John Constantine, somehow. He can tell that somehow, in a way he can't put his finger on.]

No.

... No, I haven't. I - I'm sorry, John. What - what's going on here?

[hellblaze]

Suppose I could explain it, but, walking you through the dots might be a bit more beneficial. Just in case you haven't been clued in on the whole greater creation.

[ Or he just can't be assed to explain it. It really is a fifty-fifty at the moment. ]

Have you been introduced into the lovely world of "the muliverse" yet, mate? Horrible ratings, unsatisfied customers, and the same thing you know just a bit shaken up in different ways.

[ronstadt]

Heard about it a couple times, yeah. Worked in an occult bookstore for a few months, they had some stuff on it. Only one of them was legit, though, and I only kinda thumbed through it. Picked up enough, though.

So you're from one of those other universes. Somebody else's Constantine. ... From a world that sucks, sounds like. Or just a regular one. With you, it's hard to tell.

[he gives him a fond little smile. His or not, John is John, and he can't help it.]

[hellblaze]

Oh, great. An occult bookstore.

[ If he doesn't sound impressed it's because he's sure many of those people were playing at the occult. Maybe even the bloke in front of him. That's all he'd need. A hotel filled with people who think they can go about and dance around on the bloody occult and call themselves mages. ]

You've got the gist of it, mate. [ He nods and glances back up at the tree. ] If there is a version of me in a world? It's going to be a b it more than suck. Might be a bit of blowing, and not in the fun way.

[ronstadt]

Trust me, I've seen enough fluffy bunnies for the rest of my life. They fired me because I wouldn't sell people the books full of bullshit.

[he frowns a little. it seems no matter which John Constantine he's talking to, the guy is determined to see the worst in himself.]

Look, let's start over, okay? I'm Ronstadt. I'm a 911 operator in Los Angeles, and for about a year and a half, I've been seeing supernatural stuff that most other people can't.

[hellblaze]

Good to see you've got the right head on your shoulders then. Hopefully you saved the more electric books in the back.

[ no one hates John Constantine more than John Constantine. ]

9-11 Operator. I bet you've got a fair amount of good stories, [ he pauses and gives a wave of his hand. ] John Constantine. Exorcist, demonologist, and petty dabbler in some of the finer Dark Arts. Left all my business cards in my other trenchcoat.

Log Angeles. Can't say I've been that far west in the colonies just yet. [ he smirks. ]

[ronstadt]

They didn't have many of those, it was mostly like, Llewellyn Publishing and that kind of shit.

[he rolls his eyes a little at that, but chuckles when John introduces himself. of course he knows who he is. well, sort of.]

Yeah, I sure do. Should share them over a couple drinks. S'how I got to know the other version of you, at first, actually. Then we started huntin' stuff down together. ... Did you just ... walk into all this out of nowhere, too?

[hellblaze]

Drinks is usually the best way to get any version of me into anything. [ he gives a shrug and gestures to the hotel behind them. ] Drinks are free from what I can understand. Not sure that fits your fancy.

[ then, he shakes his head. ] No. Woke up in one of the accommodating rooms and had already been booked. Seems like yours truly was expected. Can't imagine why, I'm a horrible guest.

[ronstadt]

Free is a little suspicious, yeah, but a couple rounds shouldn't be too bad.

[he starts leading the way back, trusting John to follow, since he'd already been okay with the idea.]

Expected, huh? ... Think one of the fifty bajillion people you pissed off booked you a room as a trap, maybe?

[hellblaze]

[ a few beats pass before he starts following the temporary companion. coat swaying behind him, cigarette behind his ear, hands in the pockets of his pants. ]

Could be. Though, usually, they just send zombies after me.